Curiosity, mixed with a little bit of rebellion, often drives people to push sexual boundaries. Strapon play is one of those corners of intimacy that’s still wrapped in whispers, but more folks are giving it a shot. Recent conversations around gender and pleasure have cracked this topic wide open; sex shops now report that strapon sales are up over 40% since 2020. Couples of every orientation tug at this bold new frontier, blending power, trust, and pleasure. If you’ve ever wondered how it works, why people love it, and what actually happens before and after the bedroom lights dim—well, this is for you.
What Is Strapon Play and Who Is It For?
If you think strapons are only for one kind of couple, that’s old news. Strapon play, often called pegging when involving a woman and a man, simply means using a harness and dildo to penetrate a partner. The idea isn’t just about who does what but opens up a whole menu of sensations. Straight couples, lesbians, non-binary folks—anyone can enjoy strapon action. A typical strapon kit includes a belt (the harness) and a dildo (of varying lengths, girths, and textures). Some come with vibrating features or double penetration options. Here’s a twist: the first patent for a dildo dates back to 1890, showing this isn’t nearly as “taboo” as it seems.
Most couples jump in to experiment with roles. This swap can be liberating, strange, exciting, and hilarious (sometimes, all at once). For men, anal penetration stimulates the prostate, often called the ‘male G-spot’. Women wielding the strapon often say the power dynamic flips their script, making them feel desirable and in charge. For same-sex couples, it can be purely practical. The point? There’s no single “why”—it’s about shared curiosity and fun.
Surveys from 2022 showed that about 30% of couples said they’ve tried some form of strap-on play, up from only 10% reported in 2010. That’s not just a spike for the sake of headlines; it shows a shift in attitudes around pleasure and traditional roles. So, if you’re considering strapon adventure, you’re far from alone. The freedom to invent your own rules is half the point. You don’t need to fit a box—just your body, your chemistry, and a harness that fits.
Gearing Up: Choosing a Strapon That Works for You
Let’s be blunt. There’s an ocean of gear out there, and picking a strapon can feel more complicated than it needs to. Start with comfort—nobody wants a harness pinching your thighs right in the middle of a passionate moment. Look for adjustable straps, soft but sturdy materials like neoprene, leather, or vegan leather. There’s even a growing selection of gender-neutral and plus-sized harnesses, so everyone can feel secure and sexy.
Then there’s the dildo. Most beginners prefer something less intimidating—think 4-6 inches, with a moderate girth and smooth silicone that’s body-safe. If you’re more adventurous, try textured toys or those with a curve designed for G-spot or prostate play. Silicone wins out for safety, since it’s hypoallergenic and easy to clean. Real fact: a 2024 survey by a popular adult retailer said 81% of folks reported they felt more comfortable stepping up their game with body-safe silicone versus cheaper jelly toys.
Some harnesses hold the dildo with an O-ring, which makes toy swapping a breeze. That’s clutch when you want to experiment. You’ll also find strapless strapons—these rely on internal wear for the giver. They’re a hot trend, but not always beginner-friendly since control can be tricky.
Don’t forget the basics: lubricant. Water-based lubes are perfect for silicone toys and easy to clean, but if you’re headed for long sessions, a thicker gel or hybrid lube keeps things silky. Trust me: never skimp on lube. It’s what takes strapon play from “wow, that’s intense” to “wow, that’s amazing.”
To help break it down, here’s a quick gear comparison:
| Type | Material | Best For | Ease of Cleaning |
|---|---|---|---|
| Classic Harness | Leather, Neoprene | Stability, Control | Easy (machine-wash) |
| Strapless | Silicone | Hands-free action | Very easy |
| Double Strap | Vegan leather | Beginner comfort | Machine-washable |
| Vibrating Strapon | Silicone/Plastic | Stimulation for both | Depends on parts |
First-Time Tips: Building Trust, Comfort, and Wild Laughter
Alright, let’s be real. The first time rarely looks like a steamy movie montage. There will be giggles, awkward moments, and probably more belt-adjusting than expected. The golden rule? Don’t rush. This is about exploring together, not winning a prize for stamina or “performance.”
Tons of people worry about the “right” position. Forget hard rules. Spooning is perfect for easy access and intimacy. Missionary and doggy-style work too, but they demand a bit more skill with angles. Try giving your partner a pillow to raise their hips; it’s surprisingly helpful for comfort and easier reach. Another tip: before any penetration, lots (and lots) of foreplay will help both partners relax and build trust.
Communication is your secret weapon. Check in before, during, and after play. Use safe words or simple phrases like "slower," "softer," or "stop." Don’t feel weird about asking, “Is this okay?” each time you switch things up. A 2023 survey by Dr. Emily Morse found that couples who communicated openly during adventurous sex reported 50% higher satisfaction than those who didn’t.
Hygiene isn’t sexy, but it’s essential. Clean your toys before and after, and slap on a condom for super easy clean-up (especially if your toy has seams or is made of porous material). Never switch from anal to vaginal play without cleaning—UTIs are a real mood killer.
If you feel nervous, you’re not alone. It can help to roleplay or give the “receiver” some control at first. A hand on the hip, some back-and-forth feedback, or even switching roles entirely keeps things equal. Many partners admit the first time can end in laughter instead of orgasms—and that’s perfectly fine. The only rule is mutual enjoyment and consent.
Health, Safety, and Psychological Benefits
Diving into anal play has a bad rap, but the risks are easy to manage. Use plenty of lube, take it slow, and listen to your body—pain or resistance means stop. The rectum lacks natural lubrication, so dryness is common, but it’s nothing lube can’t solve. If you worry about injuries, know this: the rectum can stretch, but rushing or using oversized toys can lead to tears. Stick with beginner-friendly sizes and upgrade gradually.
Psychologically, strapon play can be a revelation. Many men report feeling a new kind of vulnerability, while women gain a sense of agency, flipping the script on traditional roles. Even partners who don’t care about “power play” say they bond closer by trusting each other with something intimate and a little outrageous. Sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner noted in 2024 that couples who try new things together stay intimate longer and communicate more honestly in daily life.
Let’s not gloss over the health perks. Men who enjoy anal penetration report better awareness of their pelvic floor muscles, which boosts sexual stamina. Orgasms through prostate stimulation can feel stronger, too—science backs it up. Women who use strapons often report boosted confidence and new ways to connect with their partner’s pleasure.
Any downsides? Sure, if you don’t prep right. Rushing, skipping lube, or using unsafe toys can cause injury or infection. Choose quality toys, clean them, and stay honest with each other. If anxiety or shame pops up, talking through it is key. Sometimes, just knowing your partner’s totally into it makes all the difference.
Myths, Misconceptions, and Interesting Facts About Strapon Adventure
Plenty of folks still carry old ideas about strapon play. Some think it “means something” about your sexuality, or that trying it once is some sort of big statement. Here’s the deal: enjoying penetration with a strapon doesn’t “change” anyone. It’s about sensation, not labels; pleasure isn’t binary.
In fact, a study run by the Kinsey Institute in 2022 found that 28% of straight-identified men said they’re open to strapon play, but only 12% felt comfortable admitting it to friends. Social conditioning runs deep. Yet, those same men reported higher satisfaction in relationships when their desires were respected and explored together.
The strapon industry exploded during the COVID-19 lockdowns. Stores reported a 200% spike in online orders for harnesses and body-safe toys. Couples were stuck at home, pushing old boundaries and making the most out of Netflix and chill. Retailer Lovehoney said over 70% of buyers were couples in their first five years together—busting the myth that long-term lovers are the most adventurous.
- Strapon play is the fastest-growing segment in adult toy sales according to 2023 data.
- Japanese erotic art included depictions of strap-on-like toys as early as the 1600s.
- Practicing open communication and safety boosts both pleasure and trust in couples.
- The best-selling harness color worldwide in 2024 was deep purple—not black or red.
- Double-ended dildos became a trend in 2023 for couples wanting to feel what their partner feels.
There’s never been a better or bolder time to try something new. Strapon play is no magic fix for intimacy, but it’s a spicy way to kick routine to the curb, discover parts of each other (and yourself) you never expected, and maybe laugh while fumbling with a harness for the first time. That kind of courage and curiosity? Yeah, it’s as sexy as it sounds.
